so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
