So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
