I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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