She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
