You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
