for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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