do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
