I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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