I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
