good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
