He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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