what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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