just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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