goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
