i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
