My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we're so committed to being not committed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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