Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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