we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My penis needs a shock collar
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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