I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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