I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My vagina is very pro this idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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