Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
