Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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