Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
