How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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