You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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