I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
