Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
