mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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