WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pants are for mortals
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
