And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
