Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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