Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
