I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
