just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
