All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
