I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
