Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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