casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
