Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
