I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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