I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
