I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.