At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows