that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can