Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?