My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
time to smoke my breakfast
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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