I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
