It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
