YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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