these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
