the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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