All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
