haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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