Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
