I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
