I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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