Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
