i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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