He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just had sex bonerless
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
