I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
