i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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