i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
