He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
