I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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