is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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