Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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