He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
