Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
