I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
