I got her a Nickelback box set.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
