margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
