you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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