My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just pee around me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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