I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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