just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
