like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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