it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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